Have I Really Made The Right Choice?

This is a question I've been asking myself for the past few weeks.  It's been a full year since I've been cast in any sort of production.  I kind of thrive on performing, so it's been hard.  At first it was a choice.  I wasn't going to do theatre any more.  I was going to focus on my singing career.

Then, I ran out of money.  Dreams of Nashville were put on hold as I got a job at the local brewpub and moved back in with my parents.  Somewhere along the way, the lure of friends in NYC changed my plans.

Then, a few weeks ago I thought I aught to brush up my auditioning skills and attend some.  A local theatre (that I've never worked for) was holding auditions for Rent.  I went.  On my way up, I started to get a scratchy throat and stuffy sinuses.  Great...nothing like trying to belt with a sore throat.  I sang Maureen's part of Take Me or Leave Me, not the best I've ever done, but well enough...the director asked me to switch to Joanne's part, which went better.  I did well on the movement audition, then even stayed for the harder, Mimi dance audition, and did well with that, too.  Waited, and waited...no callback, not cast.   Ok, I've never worked for them before, so I wasn't expecting much, plus the next weekend I was auditioning for a summer stock theatre in Northern Indiana. Not a big deal.

One week later, headshot and resume in hand, I head down to the next audition.  I'd auditioned for this theatre 5 years ago, but they weren't doing shows I was really right for, and now they were.  Godspell, All Shook Up, 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.  I also have more principal roles added to my resume since my last audition.  Go in, sing my 32 bars....and that's it.   Nothing...just a "Thanks for coming out"...Ok, so I was auditioning against a bunch of local musical theatre majors, maybe they were just looking at them for ensemble roles...the old theatre I worked at before I moved South is doing Jekell and Hyde...I'll just go audition for that...I'd love to have something to do this spring.

Needless to say, after 3 weeks of auditioning, I've not been called back or cast in anything....It's disappointing.  It really makes me question if I've made the right decision.  I'm going crazy with boredom with only my waitress job...I'm dying to sing.  To perform. Just something.

The life of a struggling actor/singer is hard.  I know it.  I'm used to the rejection.  I'm just not sure, at almost 34, if this is all really worth it...